He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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