Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So vagazzling was a success
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
