I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
