do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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