fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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