Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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