went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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