Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
