apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
