My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
