Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize