i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my mouth tastes like poor choices
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
