Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
