nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
