Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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