Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
