separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What a dumb baby whore.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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