He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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