how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
