Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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