I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
