he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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