We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
