you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
