Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
