I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
