I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
