Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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