I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize