I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
