just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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