do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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