I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize