My friends, they love my intelligence
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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