I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
