so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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