Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
