I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
