I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I love having hate sex.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
