You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
