everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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