morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
