You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
