just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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