Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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