You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
