So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
