im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
