I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
