we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
