Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
