Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
