someone threw a dead crab at me
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
