You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
