Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
