You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
