I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
