can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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