i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
