I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
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