thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
