i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
