We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
