I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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