Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
