think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
