It's Friday. Sex?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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