would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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