allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
