the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
