I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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