You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
