Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just high enough for therapy.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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