Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
