Only a mothe r could love this liver
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
