I've blown a few things in my day
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
