Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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