so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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