Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
