we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
