Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
