Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
