summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
