I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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