My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My penis needs a shock collar
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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