i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
