I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
