he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
