It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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