i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
