She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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