my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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