Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
