I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
